Ten Year Pain
by Sasha.Rizzoli
Summary: Something is bothering Olivia and she's trying to hide it from everyone. Can Elliot and Casey save their best friend before it's too late? Now Set in the year 2008.
1. Hidden Pain

**A/N: I was sitting around bored in Forensic Science class this morning and came up with this story! Please read and review!!!**

**I own nothing from the show!!!**

One winter morning at 7:30am on the dot, Olivia walked in to the squad room and sat at her desk silently. Elliot looked up at his unusually quiet partner.

"That's weird" he thought about her behaviour before speaking. "Hey, Liv"

Olivia looked up at him and slightly smiled, but no words were spoken. She then looked back down and started her paperwork that she had left the night before.

The morning was going abnormally slow for the detectives until Cragen finally emerged from his office and walked up to their desks.

"We have a victim in Mercy General, her name is Jamie Jackson, and she's 18"

"Ok Capt" Elliot responded as he stood and grabbed his coat.

Olivia stood in silence, grabbing her coat and quickly walked out of the squad room and straight to the elevator.

She got in and the doors closed behind her, before Elliot even had a chance to get there.

Cragen saw the scene unfold and was concerned. "What's wrong with your partner?" he asked Elliot.

Elliot shrugged. "I don't know, but I'm determined to find out" he replied before quickly walking out.

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When he got to the car, he found Olivia sitting in the passenger seat with her head leaning right back on the seat, looking up at the roof. He also noticed that she was fighting back tears and her eyes were red with black bags underneath, like she hadn't slept. Something must really wrong, if she fighting back tears and not sleeping.

"I've gotta find out what's wrong?" he thought to himself as he got in to the driver's seat.

He got in and looked at his silent partner, placing a caring hand on her thigh.

Olivia was startled at the sudden contact and glared at him.

Elliot sighed and moved his hand. "What's going on, Liv?"

She just shrugged and turned her head to look out the side window. Elliot took the hint and just started up the car, before driving off to Mercy General Hospital.

The whole car ride was silent; Elliot was very worried about his partner/best friend. She had refused to say a word all morning which was completely out of character for Olivia Benson.

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Upon arriving at Mercy General Hospital, Olivia got out of the car, before Elliot even had a chance to get the keys out of the ignition. He sighed as he got out of the car himself and walked quickly to try catch up to Olivia.

It was like she didn't even want to do her job today.

"I'm Detective Benson and this is my partner Detective Stabler, form Special Victims" Olivia spoke for the first time all day to the lady at the front desk of the Emergency Department.

"Oh yes, Miss Jackson is in room 27" the short grey haired older lady said.

Olivia nodded. "Thanks" and walked toward the room.

When she got to the room, she stopped in the doorway. Elliot stopped behind her and placed a hand on her shoulder.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"She's not here" she spoke in a whisper, but refused to look at him.

"Huh?" he asked and looked in to the room, noticing that the young woman really wasn't in the room.

The two detectives back up to the desk, to find a tall, young man sitting there.

"Jamie Jackson isn't in the room" Elliot informed the man.

"Oh ok" he said and looked on the computer before looking back up at the detectives, "According to the computer, she checked out about 10 minutes ago"

Elliot nodded and the two detectives left the hospital in complete silence.

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In the car, Olivia was still refusing to talk to Elliot, let alone look at him.

"I wonder what I've done" he thought to himself.

He stopped at a red light and quickly looked at her. She was slouched down in the seat looking out the side window. He knew that there was something really bothering her, but whatever it was he couldn't quite put his finger on it.

"Liv?" he spoke just as he began to drive again, once the light turned green.

She didn't respond, so he tried again.

"Liv?"

She finally decided to answer, but didn't turn to look at him. "Hmm?" was the only verbal response that she would give.

"What's going on?" he asked concerned as he continued to drive back to the precinct.

She didn't respond until the moment, he parked the car at the front of the precinct.

"Nothing, I'm just tired. Can you please the Captain that I've gone home sick?"

Elliot sighed and nodded. "Sure, Liv"

He watched her walked to her car, get in and drive away.

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Elliot walked back in to the precinct still worrying about his partner, something was definitely not right. He walked in to the squad room to find Cragen talking to Fin.

Cragen turned and looked at Elliot noticing Olivia was missing. "Where's Olivia?" he asked concerned.

"She went home sick"

Cragen wasn't very happy, but he accepted it and walked in to his office, closing the door behind him.

"What's going on, Elliot?" Fin asked looking up at him.

Elliot shrugged his shoulders as he sat down. "I'm not sure" he replied before picking up the phone and dialling Casey's office phone number.

She answered after 4 rings.

"ADA Novak" she answered in a professional matter.

"Hey Casey, it's Elliot"

"Oh hey, what's up?" her voice changed as she went from ADA mode in to friend mode.

"I'm worried about Liv. She was quiet all morning and then went home and told me to tell Cragen that she was sick. She isn't sick, Casey, something is really wrong. She was fighting back tears all morning"

Casey sighed. That wasn't the Olivia Benson she knew. "Elliot I'm sure, she was just having a bad morning. She'll probably be back to her normal self tomorrow. But she isn't give me a call"

Elliot sighed. "I hope you're right. But if she's still the same, I'll call you I promise"

"Ok then. If she doesn't turn up for work, call me straight away and we'll both head to her apartment, ok?"

"Yeah definitely. C-ya"

"Bye"

And the two hang up and went on with the rest of the day worrying about their friend.

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**I hope you liked the first chapter, please review for the next!!!!**


	2. Truths

**A/N: Thanks for all the lovely reviews!!!!! Here is chapter 2. Please read and review!**

**I own nothing from the show no matter how much I beg!!**

The next morning Elliot walked in to the squad room at 7:30am sharp, expecting Olivia to be sitting at her desk, back to her normal self. But she wasn't anywhere in sight. Her jacket wasn't on the back of her chair, indicating that she hadn't even turned up for work.

Cragen had also noticed that Olivia was missing; so he walked up to Elliot with an angry but concerned look on his face. "Where the hell is your partner?"

Elliot sighed and shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know, but I'm gonna find her"

Cragen nodded. "Just make sure that she's safe"

Elliot nodded and rushed out of the precinct.

He ran out to his car, hopped in to the driver's seat before starting the car and speeding off toward his partner's apartment.

As he drove, he called Casey, just like he had promised the afternoon before.

"ADA Novak" she answered in a professional matter, after 3 rings.

"Hey Casey, it's Elliot"

Casey began to panic. "Is Liv alright? Didn't she show up for work?"

"No, she didn't turn up for work. I'm headed to her apartment right now.

"Ok, I'm on my way, meet me out the front of the building"

"Ok, just hurry"

The two hung up as they both rushed to their best friend's apartment.

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Elliot pulled up out the front of Olivia's apartment; he got out his car and paced around on the footpath, panicking as he waited for Casey to pull up.

She pulled up about ten minutes later and Elliot used his key to get in to the building.

The pair didn't want to wait for the elevator, so they ran up the stairs, two steps at a time before running up to Olivia's apartment door, once they reached her floor, the 3rd floor.

"Elliot, I have a bad feeling" Casey said as they ran up to Olivia's apartment.

Elliot sighed. "I know, I know. So do I" he admitted as they reached her door.

Elliot knocked on the door and waited for an answer. "Liv! Liv, honey, open up!"

Upon not receiving an answer, he unlocked the door and they both rushed in to the apartment.

Casey checked the living room as Elliot checked the bedroom.

"Elliot, she's right here" Casey called from the living room.

Elliot ran back to the living room to find Olivia unconscious on the couch. He felt for a pulse and was relieved to find one, even if it was a bit shallower then normal.

"Elliot, you better call an ambulance. Look how much alcohol she drank last night"

Elliot saw all the bottles and nodded as he grabbed out his mobile phone as Casey looked around.

On the coffee table, she found an ultrasound picture and a photo of Olivia holding a brand new baby with a piece of paper attached to the bottom of it.

It said: Nicholas Cayden Benson.

10th December 1998- 12th December 1998

Weight: 5 pounds 10 ounces. Length: 14 1/2 inches.

Time of birth: 4:16am.

Casey covered her mouth and gasped in shock and surprise. Elliot put his phone away and turned to Casey. "The ambulance is on it's way……what's wrong?" he asked as he saw the shocked look on Casey's face.

Casey didn't say anything just passed him the photo, before going to Olivia's side.

"Wake up, Liv. Why didn't you tell us about the baby you lost, honey?" she asked in a whispered as she caressed her best friend's cheek.

Elliot read what it said the bottom of the photo and gasped in shock and surprise, just like Casey had a couple moments before. "Oh my God", he turned to Casey and Olivia after placing the photo back on the table.

The ambulance had finally come and put Olivia on the gurney.

"Casey, you go with Liv, I'll follow behind in my car" he said and they both followed the EMTS as they rushed their best friend away on the gurney.

Casey kept up the pace with the EMTS as she held Olivia's hand. "Liv, you have to pull through this. Elliot and I will help you as much as humanly possible" she begged.

They placed Olivia in to the ambulance and Casey climbed in behind, as Elliot jumped in to his car to follow the ambulance.

As soon as they arrived at Mt Sinai, they rushed Olivia in to a trauma room and Elliot and Casey were forced to impatiently in the waiting room as the doctors and nurses worked on their best friend to try save her life.

Casey looked at Elliot and sobbed. "Why didn't she tell us that she had a baby boy that died ten years ago?"

Elliot pulled Casey in to a comforting, friendly hug and let her sob in to his chest. "I ….. I don't know, Case"

After about 30 minutes, Elliot noticed that Casey's sobs and hiccupping breaths had eased in to even breathing. She had cried herself to sleep.

A tall, balding old male doctor emerged from the trauma room, moments later and sat beside Elliot.

"How is she, doctor?"

The doctor sighed before looking Elliot in the eye, and opening his mouth to speak.

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**There it was! Please review for the next chapter!**


	3. Olivia's Pain

**A/N: Thanks so much for all the reviews! You guys keep me writing! Please read and review.**

**I own nothing from the show.**

The tall balding old male doctor emerged from the trauma room and sat beside Elliot.

"How is she, doctor?" Elliot asked concerned.

The doctor sighed before opening his mouth to speak. "She had a blood alcohol level of .23. She is very lucky to be alive. She's awake and asking for you"

Elliot nodded. "Thanks"

The doctor walked off and Elliot gently woke Casey up.

Casey groaned. "Huh?" she asked still half asleep.

"Liv is awake now, Case" he whispered to her.

Casey nodded and sat up straight. "Sorry for falling asleep on you" she said as the two of them stood.

"It's fine Case, Really. Now let's go see Liv" he said as they began to walk in the direction of Olivia's hospital room.

Once they reached Olivia's hospital room, Casey saw her awake and ran up to the bed, sitting in the seat, as Elliot sat on the bed beside her.

"Hey" Olivia whispered to her best friends.

"Hey" Casey replied.

"Hi" Elliot replied as he wrapped an arm around her back.

"By the looks on your faces, I guess you know"

"About what?" Casey tried to act innocent, since she didn't want to upset her.

"About the son I lost ten years ago" Olivia admitted on the brink of tears.

Elliot nodded and kissed on her on the cheek. "Why didn't you tell us?" he asked concerned.

"I don't like to talk about it. Usually I'm not so bad, but since it was the tenth anniversary, it hurt worse this year" she admitted and sobbed in to Elliot's chest.

"Honey, have you spoken to someone about it?" Casey asked from beside the bed.

Olivia lifted her head from Elliot's chest to answer. "No. I can normally handle it"

"By getting drunk?" Elliot asked firmly but gently.

Olivia nodded in to his chest as she continued to sob. Elliot felt bad for her, he began to rub soothing circles on her back until he noticed her breathing had evened out and she was now asleep.

After about twenty minutes, he went to get up to get a drink; he moved her arm and saw a few scars on her arm just below her elbow. They looked old, so he assumed that she had maybe cut herself, a few years ago. Maybe after she lost baby Nicholas.

"She must've been on her own with no support" he thought to himself, before going to move again.

He stopped when she groaned and stirred from the movement, Elliot sighed and looked up at Casey, who certainly looked like she needed some rest and fresh air.

"Case, can you please get me a can of soft drink?" he asked in a whisper, so he didn't wake Olivia.

Casey nodded as she stood. "Sure" she left.

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When she returned, she passed Elliot the can of Fanta that she had got him from the vending machine down the hall.  
"Thanks" he whispered as she passed it to him.

Casey went to sit down until Elliot spoke. "Case, go home, get some rest"

She shook her head. "What about Liv?"

Elliot sighed "She'll probably be asleep or crying all night. If anything serious occurs I'll call. You need some rest, ok?"

Casey nodded. "I'll be back in the morning"

Elliot nodded and smiled, "Sure"

Casey slightly smiled back and walked out.

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Elliot must've fallen asleep himself, because she next thing he knew, he was woken by a loud, piercing scream beside him. He opened his eyes to see that Olivia was crying and thrashing about in her sleep.  
Elliot sighed and decided to gently wake her. "Liv...Liv, honey, wake up. It's just a bad dream" he cooed in her ear.

When she woke up, she screamed and tried to get out of Elliot's grip, until she finally realised that it was only Elliot. She snuggled in to his chest.

"It's ok, Liv. I'm here" he gently whispered in to her ear.

She relaxed knowing that she was safe in Elliot's arms; she then noticed that Casey was gone from the seat beside the bed. She lifted her head from Elliot's chest. "Where's Case?" she asked in a whisper  
.  
Elliot gently caressed Olivia's cheek. "I sent her home"  
She looked at him in the eyes. "Why?"

"She was falling asleep in the chair, honey"

Olivia nodded in understanding before placing her head back in to his chest as he kept his arms wrapped tightly around her.

The doctor walked in and smiled. "Hello again, Olivia. How are you feeling?" he asked as he checked her vitals.

Olivia looked at him from the safety of Elliot's strong arms and smiled. "I'm good now"

"That's good, but I still suggest that you see a psychologist"

Olivia nodded, since she understood that he would say that sooner or later. "I will"

The old doctor nodded and smiled. "That's good. I hope that everything works out soon for you"

Olivia smiled. "Thanks"

The doctor left, leaving Elliot and Olivia to themselves.

Elliot looked down at Olivia. "Are you really gonna see a psychologist, Liv?"

She nodded. "Yes, El. I really am going to see one. I really think it is time that I got help. I'll never forget Nicholas, but I have to learn to cope with his death"

Elliot gently placed some of her stray hair behind her ear. "How did he die, Liv? He was only two days old"

"Actually he was about 45 hours old, El. He was born about a month early and had a heart problem. His tiny heart gave out and the doctors tried really hard to save him, but they couldn't. I was sick, after the birth so I was still in the hospital when it happened. He died in the nursery. They came to deliver the bad news to me and I didn't wanna believe that my baby son had just died, but then they showed me his tiny lifeless body and knew it was true" she said before breaking down in to tears again.

Elliot held her close and rubbed soothing circles on her back. He didn't know what to say so he was just silent support, until she eventually cried herself to sleep again.

Olivia was going to need a lot of love and support, because obviously she didn't get much, if any at all, when she lost her son. And Elliot was determined to help his partner/best friend as much as humanly possible.

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**Well there it was, please review if you want to see the next chapter!!**


	4. Unseen Anger

**A/N: Thanks to all the lovely people that reviewed! All the reviews mean a lot! Please read and review!  
I own nothing from the show!**

Olivia woke the next morning, to find herself in the safety of Elliot's strong arms. He was wide awake and watching her.

"Hey" she whispered, still half asleep.

Elliot smiled. "Morning. How do you feel this morning?"

Olivia put on a fake smile, but luckily Elliot noticed that the smile was fake. "I'm great, El" she spoke trying to make it sound believable.

Elliot didn't take to the fake smile and fake cheerfulness. He had known her long enough to know when she was faking. "Liv, honey..."

Olivia sighed. "Ok, ok, I'm still a little depressed" she finally admitted, snuggling closer to Elliot.

He kissed her on the forehead. "Of course you are, Liv" he whispered. "But I'm right here for you"

Olivia was about to speak again, but was interrupted by someone clearing their throat in the doorway.  
Elliot and Olivia looked toward the doorway, to see a very familiar blonde.

"Sorry, am I disturbing?" Casey asked, slightly embarrassed as two sets of eyes stared at her.

Olivia shook her head and smiled. "Not at all, Case. Come on in"

Casey smiled and walked in to the room, sitting on the seat beside Olivia's hospital bed.  
"So how are you feeling this morning?" Casey asked, still concerned about her best friend.

Olivia rubbed her eyes and sighed. "To be honest...I feel like shit and I'm sick of everyone asking me" she snapped.

Casey was hurt and Olivia noticed straight away. "Oh my God, I'm so so sorry, Case" she apologized.

Casey shrugged her shoulders. "It's ok, Liv"

Olivia sighed, "Do you two really think that I tried to commit suicide?"

Elliot kissed her forehead. "No of course not, baby" he lied, trying not to hurt her feelings.

Olivia angrily pulled herself out of Elliot's grip. She was pissed, since she knew that Elliot was lying and that Casey thought the same. How could her best friends think that she tried to take her own life?

"Ok, I understand that they feel hurt that I didn't tell them about Nicholas. But how the hell can they accuse me of trying to take my own life? How dare they!" She thought to herself.

And before she could stop herself, she was going off.

"Get out!" she barked angrily.

Neither one made any movement to leave, they just stared at her in shock.

"Liv...calm down, honey" Elliot said trying to calm her down, caressing her arm.

She glared at him and pulled her arm away. Elliot and Casey could see anger in her eyes that they had never seen before.

"Calm down?! How the fuck can I calm down, when my best friends are accusing me of attempted suicide?! GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY ROOM!" she yelled at her two best friends.

The two still didn't make any attempt to leave.

"Are you two fucking deaf?! GET THE FUCK OUT!" she yelled again.

They still didn't move, but this time two doctors, and 3 security guards came running in to the room.

"What's going on in here?" The tall muscular male doctor asked, in anger and concern.

"Get these two-----" Olivia began to said but was interrupted by Elliot.

"She needs a sedative, doctor" He spoke to the doctor, showing his badge.

The doctor nodded and walked over to the bed with a syringe in his hand. Olivia saw the needle and began thrusting about even more. "NO! NO!" She kept screaming.

"Hold her down" The doctor said to Elliot and the other doctor.

Elliot and the other doctor held Olivia down as Casey watched the doctor inject a sedative in to her unusually violent best friend.

"This is not the Olivia Benson which we all have known and grown to love. Where the hell is the loving and caring Olivia Benson?" Casey thought to herself as she continued to watch on.

As soon as the sedative was in Olivia's blood stream, she was out like a light and the doctors left.

Casey sighed. "She had to get her best friend back before it's too late"

As if Elliot could read her mind. He walked up behind her and rubbed soothing circles on her back as they watched their best friend sleep. "We'll get the real Olivia Benson back don't worry, it will just take some time"

Casey sighed again. "Hopefully, before it's too late" she whispered, but Elliot still managed to hear her.

He sighed. "Yeah hopefully before it's too late" he whispered back, before going back over to the bed.

He sat down on the bed beside Olivia and wrapped his arms around her, before kissing her forehead. "We have to get the real you back soon" he whispered.

And he and Casey were willing to do anything for that to happen. They didn't just want the real Olivia Benson back; they needed the real Olivia Benson back.

After about half an hour, Elliot and Casey left to get a drink and some food.

On the way back to Olivia's hospital room, Casey's phone began to vibrate in her pocket.

"Novak...Ok, ok...I'll be right there" She had her conversation, hung up and then looked at Elliot.  
"I gotta go. I'll be back later"

Elliot nodded. "Sure. See you later"

Casey turned around and walked away  
.  
Elliot was almost at Olivia's room, when he heard a high pitched piercing scream, which he could identify as Olivia. He ran to her room, begging that she was alright.

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**Please review!!!! Reviews keep me writing and sane.**


	5. Time to Heal

**A/N: Thanks to all the lovely people that reviewed, this chapter is for you!  
I own nothing from the show!  
**

Elliot ran in Olivia's hospital room to find her sitting right up in bed, wide awake sweating and crying. She'd obviously had a bad dream; she looked up at Elliot walking up to her. The worry and concern clearly shown on his face.

"El" she whispered, wiping away her tears.

Elliot sat beside her and wrapped his arms around her. She felt safe in his big, strong arms and snuggled in to him.

He kissed her forehead. "It's ok, babe"

Olivia nodded.

Olivia's doctor walked in. "Hello, how are you today, Miss Benson?"

Olivia lifted her head from Elliot's shoulder. "Can I go home today?" she asked completely ignoring his question.

The old balding male doctor sighed and slowly nodded. "I suppose, but I would suggest you have someone with you at all times, and have weekly sessions with Dr Mackenzie Stapleton, the psychologist that I recommended"

She nodded. "Yeah ok, thank you doctor"

He unhooked her from the machines and turned them off, before she grabbed her bag with her clothes in, and getting up to go in to the bathroom to get changed.

Elliot stood up and began to talk to the doctor. "Is there anything I should be watching out for?"

Dr Andrews sighed and nodded. "But firstly are you aware that she has cuts up her elbow on her left arm, and cuts on her thighs?"

Elliot was in shock, he shook his head. "No, I didn't. Oh my God, how could I not notice, she's my best friend"

Dr Andrews nodded. "It happens, a lot of people are good at hiding it. Anyway, just keep an eye on her and just give her lots of love and support. After some psychologist sessions, she should start getting her life back on track, although she could be depressed her sometime. She has a prescription for anti-depressants, please make sure she gets them"

Elliot nodded as he noticed Olivia walking out the bathroom, fully dressed in loose black track pants and a loose fitting oversized grey NYPD top.

Elliot guessed that she had already planned to go straight home. He wrapped his arm around her waist and walked her out to his car.

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In the car, Olivia was silent as she leaned her head against the side window, just like she had a few days before.

When Elliot parked out of the front of Olivia's apartment building, he placed a caring hand on her thigh, she slightly jumped at the sudden contact, but when she realised what was happening, she looked at Elliot and smiled. A real smile.

Olivia leaned in close and the two detectives looked in to each other eyes. Chocolate brown looking in to blue and blue looking in to chocolate brown, before they both gave into temptation and kissed.

They both pulled away, when they realised what they were doing.

Olivia was blushing. "Oh my God, I'm so sorry, El"

Elliot smiled as he caressed her cheek. "It's fine, Liv. But just remember I love you and when you are ready just let me know, ok?"

Olivia nodded and smiled. "Are you coming up?"

Elliot nodded. "Of course"

They both and got out of the car, Elliot wrapped his arm around her waist, as she snuggled close to him as they walked in to the apartment building.

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In Olivia's apartment, they sat on her couch watching ER on DVD, until Olivia decided to call the psychologist to make her first appointment.

She stood up and grabbed her phone as she walked in to the kitchen.

"Where are you going, Liv?"

"In the kitchen to call the psychologist. Why don't you believe that I will?" She asked, hurt that he might not believe her.

Elliot shook his head. "No of course not, baby, I know you will. I know that you want help"

Olivia sighed and walked back over to the couch and sat on Elliot's lap as she dialled the number that the doctor had given her.

"Dr Mackenzie Stapleton's office" a young sounding female receptionist answered the phone in a professional but caring matter.

"Hello, I'm Olivia Benson, and I would like to make an appointment to see Dr Stapleton sometime this week please"

"Sure, that's an appointment time free tomorrow at 12:30. Are you able to make it in then?"

"Yes, I am"

"Ok then. We'll see you tomorrow at 12:30"

"Thanks, bye"

Olivia hung up the phone and placed it on the table beside the couch.

Elliot smiled. "What's time is your appointment, honey?"

"Tomorrow at 12:30. Can you please come with me?"

Elliot pulled her in to a hug and kissed her forehead. "Of course, baby"

"Thank you" her answer was kind of hard to hear as she snuggled her head in to his chest.

Olivia and Elliot were content just to sit like that, until they got hungry a couple hours later.

Olivia moved her head and looked up at Elliot. "Wanna order some pizza?"

"Absolutely" he said and grabbed the phone to order pizza, as Olivia got up and went to the toilet.

Olivia Benson was still depressed over the death of her newborn son ten years before, but she had Elliot Stabler, her best friend and partner to help her through. And she was determined to get her life back on track. But she would keep her promise to herself, to still visit her son's grave at least every couple months. She wanted more children someday, but they could never replace Nicholas Cayden Benson.

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**Well I think I might end it there, unless more is requested! Because I am more then happy to turn this in to a longer EO romance fic. Please review and let me know.**


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